A Point in Time

March 5, 2017.  A mental screenshot of the current status, for my own purposes:

I have a relationship with Allen. He is a man (who identifies as bisexual but heteroromantic) to whom I was submissive for several years.

For a long time, Allen and I sought a sub together — someone to be our beta third. The dynamics of that search and experience crystallized the realization for me that our own primary connection was not in the right place, and needed some time to breathe.  We are taking a pause for the present.  Growth means everything to me, and right now Allen and I aren’t growing — neither as individuals nor together.

Before even that decision, though, I knew it was time for me to resurrect my sexually dominant nature… outside of the structure of merely “alpha sub”.

I have been interviewing prospects in various capacities for several months now. It has been at times exhilarating and frustrating. The process is hindered by my security needs, work schedule, and sheer stubborn refusal to trade off in any way on the qualities I want in a sub. I severed today with Jack Daniels; more on that another time. Before Jack was Paul Revere, who followed Jeff-I-Mean-Nick. Each had different strengths as a candidate. All started promising; none were suitable, in the end.

I like to fail fast; I will release a prospect at just about the first red flag. A former therapist told me that I am “too quick to cut and run,” in all things (not just playmate searching).

I still fail to see where that’s a failing.

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